Thoughts on Providence

I did a TV interview last night for a local television station on the proposed moratorium on the death penalty in California. I always have a few butterflies when I do something like that and I've been ruminating on why that might be. (I had more butterflies when I did a live interview a few weeks ago. Taped interviews are a lot easier.) I think it is because I don't have an experiential understanding of Providence. I've been readying a book on John Adams that was given to me for Christmas. (Great book by the way. David McCullough is the author.) I've been struck by his peace later in life, even when things seemed to be going haywire. He always referred back to "Providence" and placed the outcome in His hands. I think the reason I get nervous before I do something like that is that I'm too worried about the effect my failure might have on the "cause" or my own personal welfare (e.g., if the failure is for a client in court). No matter how much I intellectually assent to the idea of God's omniscience and omnipotence, if I don't practically experience the reality of those omni's (i.e., His peace), I am not really believing Him.